Motherhood has been one of the best and hardest experiences of my entire life.
I love my little girl more than I ever thought it was possible to love another human being. Sometimes I find myself just holding her and crying because I can’t believe how beautiful she is and that Tyler and I created this beautiful little person. She is the most delicate, beautiful, adorable little thing I’ve ever seen.
I was completely unprepared for the way I would feel about my little girl. I knew from the very moment that I found out I was pregnant that I would love her completely, but I didn’t know how all encompassing my love for her would be. I would give anything for her. I would die for her just so she wouldn’t feel one ounce of sadness. Sometimes I just sit there watching her sleep. Other times I wake up in the night and think she’s being too quiet and I have to get up to make sure she’s still okay (even though she sleeps five feet from our bed). It’s crazy that this tiny little person has me completely wrapped around her little finger.
I think I was also completely unprepared for how exhausting being a mother is. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t really like asking for help with her either. My Mom keeps telling me that I should leave Olivia with her for the afternoon and just take some time to myself. I completely get that, but I’m just not interested. I just want to be with my little girl. I want to take her everywhere with me. It’s like I can’t know for sure that she’s completely safe unless she’s with me or Tyler. I even got nervous when my sister was holding her and took her down a different aisle in Walmart the other day (Crazy, I know!).
Luckily for me, Olivia has settled into a nice little routine. She nurses at about 9pm every night and then stays up with me until 11-12 (depending on how long her afternoon nap was). She then sleeps until about 4, is up for about an hour to nurse and be changed, and then goes back to sleep until 8:30-9am. She’s just over three weeks old and yet already has an amazing routine. She very rarely cries (unless she’s hungry, wet, or trying to poop) and she is SO strong! She already holds her head up for long periods of time and she is pure muscle.