Mommy Confessions – Part Three

There are a quite a few things that I never thought that I would do as a mother. Or things that just surprised the hell out of me.

– I have experienced so many gross things that I never thought I would. Just this week, my daughter has peed on me, pooped on me, and puked in my hair and in my mouth. Yuck!

– I sing songs to Olivia that are occasionally wildly inappropriate for someone her age, but I haven’t learned all the prerequisite nursery rhymes yet. Thus, she’s had several renditions of “Call Me Maybe” and “Gangnam Style.” She may even have been made to do the Gangnam style dance on occasion (we always replace “sexy lady” with “cutie baby” though).

– I feel like I live under house arrest. It is such a feat to run errands and visit people that I really do prefer to stay in. But I honestly feel like I’m chained to my house some days. Like I’m not allowed to leave or something.

– I’m still a bit upset that I didn’t get to hold my daughter first. I know that it was completely implausible given I was lying on an operating table with my arms tied down, but sometimes it still hits me that Tyler got to hold her before I did.

– I totally had a bout with postpartum depression. I didn’t want to admit it, but after breaking down for the umpteenth time, Tyler agreed with me that I definitely wasn’t myself. It didn’t help that I had recently lost my grandmother and am still having difficulty dealing with it 6 months later, but I just couldn’t get back to being myself. Some days I still don’t feel like I’m fully over it.

– I have a hard time letting other people hold Olivia. If I’m staying in the room, there’s no problem, but when people are holding her and I can’t see her? I lose it. My sister took her down a different aisle in Walmart one day and I was freaking out the entire time. I ran down my aisle to meet them at the opposite end of theirs so that I could see her again.

– I am getting sick of breastfeeding. Don’t get me wrong, I really do love it. I love the bonding experiences it has brought and I love the alone time it gives me and Olivia, but sometimes I really wish I was done with it so that Tyler could feed her and I could have 30 seconds to myself. Sometimes I feel like Olivia’s slave and I just want to feel like a normal person again. It feels like my life revolves around feedings – i.e., “Okay, we have 2 hours to run errands before we have to be back or else Olivia will be screaming in our faces for milk.” Her feeding schedule is totally how I measure time now.

– I am super jealous of the multitude of people I know who are pregnant right now. I really do wish I was pregnant again. But the idea of  having to do this again with another baby and Olivia being 14 months old just seems insane. My sister and I are only 16 months apart and I can’t even begin to fathom how my parents did it. Especially when my mother only took 12 weeks off of work with each of us!

Are you guilty of any of these things or am I just crazy? Do you have any other “confessions?”

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3 thoughts on “Mommy Confessions – Part Three

  1. OMG! I totally understand how you feel about the whole breastfeeding thing! Yeah, it;s convenient and super beneficial but I can’t wait to have my body back! Or leave for more than an hour without having to constantly check the time. Soon enough…
    Keep up the good work, mommy 🙂

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